Freak
by hmweasley
Summary: Tonks learns that her long-term girlfriend has been cheating on her.


"I won't forgive you for your mistakes.  
Don't try to turn this 'round, boy. It's too late."

– Little Mix, "Freak"

Tonks blinked, willing her eyes to stop burning. They'd been watering for half an hour, but Tonks was determined to believe that it was from staring into the fire, not the way her heart felt like it had been torn apart.

Usually, this was Tonks happy place. Sitting in front of the fire in the Hufflepuff common room was the coziest Tonks had ever been in her life, and she cherished it. That experience was tainted now.

She focused until her hair became just long enough that she could tug it down in front of her eyes: her natural mousy brown. It was what she had been expecting, but she still sighed, not bothering to find the energy to shorten her hair again or return it to the vibrant blue it had been earlier that day. She knew the rest of her appearance was just as plain, the features she'd been born with instead of anything she'd chosen for herself.

An hour ago she had settled in, thrilled that many of her housemates were heading to bed and allowing her to have peace and quiet to finish her Transfiguration essay. Then Terry had approached her, looking terrified, and Tonks had immediately felt knots in the pit of her stomach for reasons she couldn't identify.

Despite the warning of unease, his words had been a shock. An hour later, she could hear them echoing in her mind. It hadn't taken fifteen minutes after he told her for the remaining Hufflepuffs to file out of the common room.

They all knew. Tonks felt like she should have been humiliated by it, but that would have required energy that she didn't possess.

"I'm really sorry, Tonks. I didn't want to be the one to tell you, but you needed to know… It was in that one alcove by the Charms classroom… They were on top of each other, full on snogging… You shouldn't have to find out this way, but I didn't know what else to do."

Terry's words had fragmented as she replayed them, over and over, but the gist of what he'd had to say was clear in her mind.

He did have good intentions. She could tell by how pained he'd looked as he had spoken. At one point, when he was describing how Kira and Stacy had been snogging, he'd looked like he might be sick on the carpet on Tonks' behalf. Tonks vowed that once she'd dealt with this mess she'd find a way to thank him. He was at least as close with Kira as he was with her, yet he hadn't concealed Kira's cheating from her.

Then again, Tonks was the innocent one in this scenario. Perhaps she should have had more faith that her and Kira's mutual friends would acknowledge that.

The door to the common room swung open, and somehow, Tonks knew it was Kira before she'd stepped inside. She was smiling at first, but her brown eyes widened when she saw Tonks. Her eyes scanned the common room, startled to find that they were the only two people in sight.

Tonks snorted quietly, wishing she could see what Kira was thinking.

"Tonks," Kira greeted. It was supposed to sound happy, but it actually sounded strained. Maybe Tonks's brown hair had acted as a warning signal. Maybe that was how her girlfriend had always sounded recently, and Tonks hadn't been paying close enough attention to notice. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I'm not the one who was wandering the corridors," Tonks said, sounding far more confrontational than she'd thought she was capable of being when she felt so tired.

Kira's faux smile fell into a frown. She knew something was wrong. Tonks sighed, sinking further into her chair. She didn't want to have this conversation ever, let alone late at night, but it was necessary. She wouldn't be able to sleep until they'd talked.

Her grey eyes followed Kira as she approached. The other girl's black hair was as disheveled as one would expect after an intense snogging session. Tonks swore that her robes were more rumpled than usual, but maybe that was only what she wanted to see. It was doubtful that Kira would have traveled across the castle without stopping to fix them. Not when she was coming back to the dorm she shared with her girlfriend.

It took too long for Kira to settle into the armchair beside the one Tonks occupied. The girl was looking increasingly worried as she observed Tonks's strange behavior.

"What were you doing?" Tonks asked. She had a vain hope that Kira would admit to her secret before she was pressed.

But Kira had been playing games for a long time, even if Tonks had been incapable of seeing it, and she seemed to have no intention of stopping.

"I went to see Melanie in the hospital wing. She's still not over that nasty potion mishap, and I thought she could use a friendly face."

Tonks wondered if Melanie knew the truth. If Tonks confronted her tomorrow, would Melanie follow in Terry's footsteps and be truthful, or would she try to cover for Kira instead? Tonks ran a hand over her face, willing herself to remain alert.

"Really? You were with Melanie?" Tonks asked, narrowing her eyes.

Her open suspicion wasn't enough for Kira to break.

"Yes, with Melanie. Why are you interrogating me like this? Do you think I'm lying to you?"

Tonks felt anger rising within her. How dare Kira get defensive with her as if _she_ were in the wrong.

"Kira, I want the truth. Now."

Kira hesitated as she tried to come up with a suitable lie. Her shoulders sagged as she realized she couldn't.

"How did you find out?" she asked.

"No," Tonks said, "I asked what you were doing. I want an answer."

Kira stared into the fire. Her eyes began watering much like Tonks's had earlier.

"I was with Stacy," she admitted. "We were, um..." She cleared her throat. "We were snogging. Like we have been for months now."

Tonks nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

"Only snogging?"

It was perhaps foolish of her to ask such a question. She wasn't sure that she wanted to know.

Kira blushed a bright red.

"Only snogging. I promise you, Tonks, we didn't do more than that."

Tonks nodded, turning away. She couldn't look at Kira anymore. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to look at her again, but she wasn't finished looking for answers.

"How long has this been going on?"

She could see Kira fidgeting from the corner of her eye. The silence before she answered stretched uncomfortably long.

"Several months." She sighed. "Since September."

Tonks ground her teeth together. Closing her eyes, she focused on her appearance, making her eyes change colour. Kira couldn't see the changes, but Tonks felt the effort helping her calm down. She wasn't going to lose it in front of Kira.

"You've been cheating on me since the beginning of the year? You didn't think to, I don't know, break up with me?"

She turned to look at Kira, fire burning in her now darker eyes. Kira winced, looking chastised for the first time since Tonks had met her.

"We've been together for so long," Kira whispered just loud enough for Tonks to hear. "I didn't know how to do it. Tonks, I can hardly remember a time we weren't together. Around the end of last year, though, everything started to feel different. We hardly talk anymore. I've been sneaking off with Stacy for months, and you didn't realize it until today."

She felt a twinge of shame at Kira's words, knowing she would have continued to be oblivious if Terry hadn't had enough of a conscience to tell her what he'd seen.

"I know I'm busy a lot," Tonks said, immediately hating the regret in her voice. As if she was the one who should have regrets. "But you know how important becoming an Auror is to me, and you have to have top scores on your N.E.W.T.s to have any hope of being accepted into the program. I'm not a genius, Kira. If I want to get in, I have no choice but to work my arse off. I thought you understood that."

"I do!" Kira exclaimed. "Of course, I do. What you want more than anything is to be an Auror, and that's great, Tonks. I want you to be successful, but dating someone who doesn't have time for you is draining, okay? I couldn't do it anymore."

That was the simple fact that it all came back to and one that Tonks couldn't find an adequate solution for.

"I still don't understand why that meant you would go and cheat on me."

Kira averted her eyes.

"It's not like it was something I planned. I was hardly talking to you, but Stacy spoke to me every day. We've always been close, and we became closer. I really am sorry. It was never supposed to happen."

"That doesn't mean as much as you want it to, Kira."

Kira froze, not because Tonks had raised her voice but because she had spoken with a dangerous calm. It surprised Tonks too. She had expected to struggle with keeping in her anger, but she didn't feel like yelling. She just wanted to go to bed and forget the day had happened.

Neither girl said anything for a while. Tonks stared down at the carpet without seeing it, thinking about what she'd learned and trying to understand it.

"I'm sor–"

Tonks held one hand up, and Kira fell silent. Slowly, Tonks lifted her face to make eye contact. She took a deep breath.

"I don't want to hear it," she said slowly. "Telling me the first time was as good as it was going to get."

Kira sucked in a sharp breath, and Tonks thought the other girl might cry. Her stomach churned in anger. Kira wasn't the one who should have been hurt by this.

"Then what do you want me to do?" Kira asked.

Tonks watched her for a second before speaking.

"Right now I want to go to bed, and tomorrow I want to wake up and ace my Transfiguration exam. Maybe, just maybe, then I'll want to talk to you, but honestly, I don't want to see you until then."

"I can't skip classes," Kira said quietly, almost desperately.

Tonks stood up from her armchair, gathering her books, parchment, and quill before she spoke.

"I'm not asking you to skip class. All I'm asking is that you give me space. I'll come to you if I'm ready to talk."

"If?" Kira questioned, one eyebrow raised.

Tonks had already begun walking towards their dormitory, so she had to turn back around to look at her.

"I wouldn't be expecting much, Kira. Hope you had fun with Stacy."

This time she kept her back firmly turned on her ex-girlfriend. It was difficult, as Tonks wanted to see if Kira looked as disappointed as she wanted her to, but she didn't.

She wouldn't think about it, not that night. She had a Transfiguration exam the next morning. She would ace it just as she would ace the class, as she would ace all of her classes. She would become an Auror, fulfill her dream, and all of this would be nothing but a memory that hardly mattered.


End file.
